OS: If Only - ArHi

            Shyaam’s truth is out.

            Finally.

            I find it hard to believe that this day has finally arrived. After all the humiliation I have faced. After all the accusations and insults hurled my way, the truth has come out.

            I will never forget the day you looked at me with suspicion in your eyes. The day you accused me of having an affair with your brother in law. If only you had listened to me.

            You forced me into a contract marriage by using my sister’s looming marriage to your brother. You shamed me in front of my family and yours. You estranged me from my family. They disowned me, thank you very much.

            What hurts me the most is that I loved you. I loved you with a crazed reverence. But you never listened to me. If only you had believed me.

            My love for you knew no bounds. I had finally recognized it when my heartbeat would accelerate with close proximity to you. You made me so very confused and so very loved at the same time. If only you hadn’t cheapened it.

            I don’t blame you, not really. I know you love your sister. But you didn’t have to do this. I don’t know what you took me for. I don’t know what you thought you’d do. I don’t know why you broke my heart the way you did. Nothing, not even your accusations, ever made any sense to me. What were you so afraid of? Why couldn’t you trust me? If only you had not been afraid.

            You almost broke my spirit. You took away everything dear to me. I may have been willing to do anything for my family. I may have been willing to do anything for you. If only you hadn’t taken away my self-respect and love for you.

            I may be the kind of girl to forgive. But I am not the kind of girl to forget.

            Shyaam’s truth is out.

            To think I never believed you.

            How could I believe you after all I had heard? I heard you telling him to break off his marriage with my sister. My sister means everything to me. I didn’t have room to love anyone else. I didn’t have room for anyone else in my heart. If only I had enough for you.

            You came in my life when I had no respect or expectations from anyone else. You made me smile and laugh after what seemed like an eternity. You spread joy, love and happiness in my heart. If only I had not let that laughter go.

            I taunted you and humiliated you. I can never forget that. I can never forgive myself. I gave you so much pain and I did that deliberately. I wanted to give you as much pain as I thought I endured because of you. If only I had trusted you.

            I forced you into that marriage as a way to punish you and a way to protect you. I never acknowledged the protection to myself or to you. I never thought that I was giving Shyaam full access to you. I never wanted to hurt you. If only I had believed you.

            There were so many issues in my past that I was never able to talk to you about. Hell, I pretended that I had no issues. My family and I have endured such horrors that we have always had to stand together. If only I had considered you my family.

            You made my dead heart beat once again. I killed your heart. I fell in love with you. I killed your love for me. I will always love you and I know I have to live with this guilt. A love that does not trust is not love at all.

            I hope you’re not the kind of girl to forgive. I hope you’re not the kind of girl to forget. Because what I did is unforgiveable. What I did to you is unforgettable. If only I could love you the way you deserved.